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Monthly Archives: August 2016

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the end

August 26, 2016 by whatwhippedcreamismadeof

She showed me the phone. “Tell her the Moon is saying goodnight for the last time. She’ll know what it means. ;)” Jason looked at me. He saw my face go white and put his hand on my thigh to console me. After we dropped her off we talked about finding dead bodies and witnessing car wrecks, fragility, and what driving around at 3am three nights a week because you can’t sleep does to your spirit. “I’m going to cry….is […]

Categories: secrets • Tags: goodnight, heartache, love, Moon, relationships

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working through it

August 25, 2016 by whatwhippedcreamismadeof

Jason’s gotten into the habit of reading through my text conversations with boys. He reads them likes school literature: critiquing them afterwards, probing for background, eager (and reluctant) to inquire about future character development. I hate it and I’ve gotten used to it. The invasion of privacy makes me feel like I’m cared for…in a rehab kind of way. Someone who knows me well and knows where I’ve been, sees me going down a path that could lead somewhere not so great, […]

Categories: secrets, Uncategorized • Tags: ghosts, love, relationships

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listening to the internet pt 2

August 25, 2016 by whatwhippedcreamismadeof

Looking Back at Old Relationships What did you find unsatisfying about them at the time when you two were together? Dump of a living space, partner lacked motivation, empathy only given upon request, several day waiting period between text responses, drug abuse, smoker, white socks, health and fitness not important, no desire to connect with family, worked all the time, rarely wanted to go out and adventure, strangers were danger, lack of curiosity about my life What worked? No marriage, no […]

Categories: secrets • Tags: love, relationships, self help

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well, that’s what I’ve been thinking about

August 23, 2016 by whatwhippedcreamismadeof

What I’ve been thinking about: You walking in with all your textures on that dress that had echoes of school marm but hugged your curves in a very non-school-marmish way.  Talking about arrangements while trying to keep my voice down so as not to be overheard by the woman sitting right behind me.  Wishing you’d hurry up with that damn strawberry shake or push it aside so I could ask you if you wanted to move onto the next step.  […]

Categories: secrets, sugar • Tags: benefactor, dating, sex, sugar baby, sugar daddy, sugar relationship

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i understand where you are…sort of…pt 3

August 23, 2016 by whatwhippedcreamismadeof

It is always on negative ground that I walk. We do not share the same ground here. He holds my hand, our arms are both stretched at their maximum lengths. We hurt. We’re in pain. He always walks on the positive side. Every day he works on getting me to cross over. He builds bridges, roads and planes. BUILDS. I watch him every day, amazed. He pays such close attention to me. He knows exactly how I would want to travel. […]

Categories: secrets • Tags: disbelief, gems, love, pain

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i understand where you are…sort of…pt 2

August 23, 2016 by whatwhippedcreamismadeof

I will never forget three things: him not coming to my grandfather’s funeral after saying he would him inviting me to his birthday weekend thing the night of him leaving me at the airport him asking me if I wanted to go to Germany with him for New Years and then getting a passport to do that and then him going alone Ok. Four things. And I’ll never forget how silent he is most of the time and how I only […]

Categories: secrets • Tags: humming, LG, love, whirlpool

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listening to the internet pt 1

August 23, 2016 by whatwhippedcreamismadeof

if you have: dirty fingernails for more than a day past them needing to be dirty, oily hair, no workout routine or physical activity interests, no love for your family, a closed mind, so much on your to-do list that it takes more than one day for you to respond to someone, chosen that silence is the answer, a lack of motivation, a lack of curiosity, a job you have hated for more than a year, no patience for reading long […]

Categories: secrets • Tags: self help

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the abortion

August 22, 2016 by whatwhippedcreamismadeof

When you’re the first procedure of the day you get the waiting room to yourself. It was a square room, warm and dimly lit. Three of the walls were lined with chairs with disposable napkin type things on the seats. When you enter the room you’re already in your hospital gown and well, commercial fabrics do clean up well but maybe not that well… The last wall was for a projector screen. There was a laminated sheet on the coffee table […]

Categories: secrets, Uncategorized • Tags: abortion, love

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i understand where you are…sort of…pt 1

August 22, 2016 by whatwhippedcreamismadeof

Bubba forbade many things throughout the course of our relationship: Marriage. Children. Motivation. Desire. Only black suits, white dress shirts, and offensive jokes were allowed. The cops could come and search our place, too — that was alright. Picture our relationship like this for 15 years. Get comfy with it. Let it be your father holding you. Let it be a memory of your favorite Easter basket. Let it be your personal life that was half your life. Then let […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: breakup, love, Texas

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i wish i knew more without having to find out

August 22, 2016 by whatwhippedcreamismadeof

I had only met her once before — it was at Housepitality to pick up my ticket. Now she was in my passenger seat for 3 hours, one of which was spent describing her breakup in full detail and how she wasn’t looking forward to seeing her ex. Her then ex is basically my now ex — and we haven’t even started dating. I’ve tried on countless occasions to bring this conversation back to my memory. My memory used to […]

Categories: Uncategorized

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