listening to the internet pt 2

Looking Back at Old Relationships

What did you find unsatisfying about them at the time when you two were together?

Dump of a living space, partner lacked motivation, empathy only given upon request, several day waiting period between text responses, drug abuse, smoker, white socks, health and fitness not important, no desire to connect with family, worked all the time, rarely wanted to go out and adventure, strangers were danger, lack of curiosity about my life

What worked?

No marriage, no kids, shared sense of humor, reading aloud, both lean dark, romantic, and emotional, same taste in art, completely comfortable with all the things our bodies do, he let me do anything and everything

What do you miss about it?

Our courtship. The poetry. The art exchange. The silly projects we gave ourselves as homework. How easy it was to just be. His family. Wanting to spend every moment with him and being ok if we didn’t. (We rarely did.)

Considering Your Goals

What are you looking to get out of life at this point? Discovering new things while strengthening what I already know works for me.

What do you want when the voice inside your head telling you what you “should” want isn’t screaming at you? A tall, handsome man with blue eyes, dark hair, and a beard who dresses like a dandy but isn’t scared about staining his clothes because he’s cool with me embroidering something as a cover up or has the money to buy new ones. We make people jealous when we’re out together in public because we’re smart, funny, and attractive with a talking dog and mind reading eyes , but in private we do the stuff that smart people lecture against: eating Cheetos, making fart jokes, and standing near the microwave. We love how we make money and love what we do when we’re not. We don’t fight. We only discuss. When we’re at our local diner we love through our eyes and with embraced hands under the table. As soon as we get home we’re naked and don’t stop until we’re hurting. Solo vacations are welcomed and encouraged and shared ones, too. We both have amazing friends. It’s ok to not know all of his friends and he’s ok with not knowing all of mine. I want to be encouraged to say “yes” to anything without having to ask for permission and will do the same for him. We exist to make each other’s lives easier and more exciting. When we’re old and dying, I want to remember us not only in our youth, but by yesterday. I want every day to be memorable, even if I’m only remembering that we’ve been doing the same thing for 57 years. When he’s old and dying, I want to remember him for the spark in his eyes when he talked about the things he was passionate about and the softness in his voice when he talked to other people about me.

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