listening to the internet pt 1

if you have:

dirty fingernails for more than a day past them needing to be dirty, oily hair, no workout routine or physical activity interests, no love for your family, a closed mind, so much on your to-do list that it takes more than one day for you to respond to someone, chosen that silence is the answer, a lack of motivation, a lack of curiosity, a job you have hated for more than a year, no patience for reading long texts and random love notes, no memory, a constantly messy home environment, unpaid parking tickets, missed appointments, closets, drawers, pantries, and storage areas filled with things you never use and don’t want, to make people tell you something starts an hour earlier than it actually does, a root canal because you opted to not go the maintenance route,  to feel like you need to say things you don’t mean to get what you want, to feel like you need to withhold important information to protect yourself, to never pay for things because you never offer, no empathy, no gratitude, no interest in physically expressing your interest in me, the inability to wear a condom, to choose a good time when you’re body is going through a bad time

you have a behavior that I’ll record in a rambling paragraph


What have been your three greatest accomplishments?

  1. Letting myself fall in love after witnessing an abusive marriage.
  2. Paying off my student loans.
  3. Inspiring people to regularly say, “I can tell you love what you do.

What have been your three greatest moments of efficiency?

  1. The abortion.
  2. Problem solving at work the day after that monstrous fight.
  3. Capturing Nick.

What are any common rules or themes you can identify?

  1. Stress brings me focus and clarity.

What have been your three greatest failures? NO! NO FAILURES!

  1. Not expanding my vocabulary earlier in life.
  2. Moving in with someone who wasn’t able to take care of themselves.
  3. Speaking before I understand what I’m saying.

What have been your three greatest moments of inefficiency?

  1. Changing the course of my relationship with Bubba.
  2. Changing the course of my relationship with J.
  3. Learning more about A.

What are any common rules or themes you can identify?

  1. I do what needs to be done at that moment and lose sight of the past and future.

Identify advice you would give yourself based upon these commonalities.

Pause to gain perspective before acting. Discomfort leads to corrective action.

How do you choose to spend your time?

writing, drawing, listening to audio diaries, creating audio diaries, recording dreams, training myself to be a more intuitive and lucid dreamer, tarot, astrology, star talk radio, watching audition tapes, making videos, exercising, playtime with the critters, being sad about love, searching for fashion inspiration, missing things, working jobs i love, writing to men, loving too many people in ways that aren’t sustainable, staring at cane corso images


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