He texted if it was a good time to call. It was so I walked to the car for privacy and called. I don’t know how many years it’s been since I’ve heard his voice. It sounded the same. I used to hear his e-mail voice regularly and that eventually turned into his text voice. They’re all the same. We talked about life. We never talk about that kind of stuff. Our text exchanges only ever involve the moon, dreams, […]
As he recounted our previous experiences with a very clear memory, he suddenly lost it. “I don’t think I’ve ever pleasured you before. I want to please you…” Half of our time spent together has been devoted to him pleasing me. Maybe it was the drugs. “You have. Numerous times. You’re more than welcome to refresh your memory.” He’s had a lot of practice and every time he’s down there it shows. Whether he’s only moving his fingers to make […]
Categories: secrets • Tags: language, memory loss, sex, vulgarity
For three weeks I lived across the street from it. They were the only three words I said every day, multiple times a day, because I could never remember my street number but I remembered the cemetery, so when the taxi drivers asked “Adresse?” I responded with “Cimetière du Montparnasse.” Because I said those words often, I said them well. After hearing where I wanted to go, typical taxi conversation would suddenly burst into an opportunity to connect with the […]
Categories: secrets • Tags: Cemetery, Montparnasse, Paris
In preparation for what seems to be a future life of bareback bitch-dom, I’m going here this morning to get tested for STIs: http://www.berkeleyfreeclinic.org/ Blood tests have a tendency to make me feel faint and/or make me pass out, so I’m dedicating this am to sugar, water packed fruits, and oj. I also wanted to reminisce on all the times I’ve had…or have almost had…unprotected sex, to help me stay focused during this blood withdrawal. 1) BUBS Bubs is my current […]
Categories: secrets, sugar • Tags: bareback, Berkeley Free Clinic, safe sex, sex, STI testing, unsafe sex
My favorite place to cry is in front of the mirror right after I’ve washed my face. Just like in the movies. You’re swollen and red and gross, standing in front of the medicine cabinet that has witnessed you open and close its doors in order to numb, heal, or hurt yourself. It’s watched you transform from morning troll to evening vixen. It knows more sides of you than probably your best friend or closest partner, and it only shares […]
Categories: secrets • Tags: best friends forever, mirrors, tears
“Wanna know what I think about when I first meet someone?” “Sure.” “What it’s like to fuck them.” The flowers on my dress wilted. They knew what “fuck” meant; I didn’t. What followed was one of the most honest and open friendships I’ve ever had. A role reversal friendship based on pure trust. I, the 12-year-old adult, guiding a 30 something year old through marriage, his first-born, infidelity, and etcetera. I trusted him enough to share my pubescence with him and […]
Categories: secrets
The craving for sashimi was satisfied when I searched “30D” on ebay and sorted the results “Price + Shipping: highest first.” Supple natural form silicone inserts make me want to be a woman, mad at my lover for not being able to read my mind, hysterical days before shark week, naked on request. I drag my lead limbs through the days looking for the end of wanting, but it keeps coming. I am a woman. I am the natural form. […]
Categories: secrets • Tags: poem, poetry, silicone breast forms
His lap was my hero. It saved me from facing exhaustion. In the folds of his worn denim I relaxed my hair. We had the whole house. There was no life except for “Amélie.” It was my first time watching it. He was curious about my scalp and hair, exploring them with his fingers and palms. My eyes closed. I was relaxed. I remember being touched like that a long time ago – during the part of my life as […]
Categories: secrets, stories • Tags: Amélie, Bedroom, chaise lounge, Halloween
“I had never felt you so warm. this morning i was freezing for some unknown reason and you draped your body on top of mine. limb by limb i felt your heat rapidly spreading over me. Your flesh is always so theraputic. I awoke soon after your flesh had completely fused with my own as i found you to be gone and no longer to the side of me. you put me in such a state. a few tears were […]
Categories: secrets • Tags: love letter, Mental Health
Tomorrow is not tomorrow, but 11 days ago. Tomorrow, the man who I put on a throne and looked up to at the young age of 22, is turning 63. When he sat on that throne, looking down at me, disguising his melancholy and desolation with biting wit, he was 54. He was where harmony out of conflict lived and I loved visiting. He looked like the Psycho house: tall and gray from weather. A corpse lived inside. We talked […]
Categories: secrets • Tags: Moon, Psycho House
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