I e-mailed him an article on celibacy some half a year ago. After dinner, he pulled it out of his backpack. He had printed it out, read it 17 times, and underlined and highlighted about half the article. I read the underlined sentences aloud and we talked about each concept in depth.

Five hours later, he leapt out of his seat. ” YOU are Hare Krisha! That’s why you have so much sex, because you’re not thinking about it. You just exude sexiness. You see sex everywhere, everything is sexual, so it just comes to you. The world is your orgy! How can I be Hare Krishna?!?!?!”

He is by far my favorite ex benefactor.

The length of conversation he can hold makes up for the length missing in his pants. I don’t think I’ve ever had a continuous five hour conversation with anyone. We covered a lot of ground that night, discussing everything from the astrological compatibility of his blind dates to his ex-wife wanting him back, to his therapist telling him to get off of Seeking Arrangement, to him touching a girl’s boob while she was asleep to help himself get off.

We had informed each other of our new standards before seeing one another. He agreed to have me over anyway, and I know that he’s a man of his word, so there we were, fully clothed with plates of take-out Italian food in front of us, talking about what got us talking to one another in the first place: relationships and sex.