she likes me

As received by Jellyfish Harper:

my dearest, first i feel as if i must apologize for what happened at the dmv the other day. i promise you that i didn’t mean to make out with that random transient. i’m not straight. i don’t know what came over me. despite it, i hope we’re still in good graces because you’re the eternal poetry that is my spirit.

furthermore, i miss you and your outstanding butt. hell, i can’t be in the same room as you without my crotch pounding with wanton desire.

i’ve been waiting this impatient life for the very essence that is you.i promise you that my shoulders are ready to be leaned on, that you could come to me with any grief, any joy, any inclination whatsoever. i’m ready whenever you are unless i’m eating bacon.

my love for you is like diarrhea, i can’t hold it in! sigh, i’m about to go to bed and will be tossing and turning thinking of your butt.

i love you, immaculately

p.s. you owe me $20

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