I told him about the three day 24/7 rave I had just returned from, the $2k worth of RV damage, having to duct tape the coke mirror as a temporary replacement for the missing passenger mirror, and the driver cut and bloodied from being washed in tempered glass when the passenger window broke.

“And you were the only sober one? OH. MY GOD.” Shakes his head. “You know, let me tell you something. I know you’re not going to listen to me…I can already tell that you’re tuning me out, but this is something you need to hear. At your age, and for the type of person you are…”

MY NOT EVEN REAL SUGAR DADDY IS ABOUT TO GO REAL DADDY ON ME.

“I could see you really enjoying and being inspired by certain drugs expanding your mind. I mean…not even shrooms?!?!?! You would LOVE them!”

And so began the conversation of why I don’t partake in drugs…or common vices in general. I’ve never smoked a cigarette. I baaaaaaarely drink. Sensuality is my only vice, if that is one….and not sex, but sensuality.

Would I have enjoyed the cacaphony of passing out heads plunking into laminate walls and whippet hisses if I wasn’t sober? Who was going to take pictures of everyone’s molly mouth? How was the counter top going to stay clutter free if someone wasn’t consolidating the liquid from all the half empty beer cans?

To be continued…