Today I searched “sensual” on pinterest while pretending I didn’t just spend an hour working out trying to become sensual myself.

Only women show up. They have several things in common:

• Confusion

I know that confusion means tugging on your lower lip. I did it while watching the series finale of “Roseanne” in 1997.

• Trouble taking off their underwear

It gets stuck right past their hip bone. They’re trying (hard I imagine because their bodies can be stand ins for Ted Striker’s face in that one scene in Airplane) but the panties still don’t drop.

• A thing for eating pearls

No, wait, I think that’s legit. Aren’t you supposed to bite pearls to check their authenticity?

• Shadow play

Sensual ladies only do things at high noon.