You know how they say serial killers usually start off  hurting animals?

Ryan’s idea of a play date was me coming over to watch him hurl bricks at lizards sunbathing on his backyard wall. The kid played sports and had great aim.

Ryan’s idea of a play date was me coming over to watch him give baby birds that had fallen out of trees swimming lessons. The kid had a shovel and could dig deep holes fast.

Ryan’s idea of a play date was me coming over, putting me in a large stack of tires, and  watching…no, listening…to me struggle to get out. The kid had a huge stack of tires on his garage. I don’t know why.

I couldn’t get out. I cried and screamed and eventually my dad came running to my rescue, slamming doors and hopping fences, following my voice. Ryan was cussed out.

Before those formative, tumultuous years, we had fun, innocent play dates….in the closet. He was the first boy to kiss my body and touch the area that my breasts now take up.

Elementary school games, which often promoted “play pretend,” resulted in us coming home to role play nurse/doctor/patient and teacher/student romantic scenarios. How did we even come up with this stuff? Daytime dramas were always on at my house and he had an older brother. That’s all I got.

We even had insane amounts of fun reenacting Jerry Springer episodes and recorded audio tapes of our imaginative scripts.

“And please welcome to the stage, Andrea, who cut off her husband’s penis when she found out he was cheating! RAWRRR…BOOOO….HISSSSSS.”  We’d do all the sound effects, too.

One honest day, I admitted to some of the things I had done with Ryan to my mother. Minutes later I was on phone with his mom answering a series of yes or no questions.

The play dates ended.

I don’t know where Ryan is today, but I know he found his way to the gang culture and has been in and out of jail. It’s been years since I’ve seen him. The last time I  saw him was while visiting my parents.   He stopped by with his dad. The only thing I can remember is everyone sitting around the dinner table laughing.

Ryan had a great sense of humor layered with boyish charm and a face to match.

I love a guy who can make me laugh.